she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
