I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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