My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
bring money and cleavage
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
