he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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