I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize