So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
