can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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