I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
