If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
where are you?
Hypothermia
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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