His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
