I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
