we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
