Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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