Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
