My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
