Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
