We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
