Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
