The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
