All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
