I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
