it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
