maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
