and you said cock pushups were impossible
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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