I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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