my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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