dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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