yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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