I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
