Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
