He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
