you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
