Well apparently he's into motor boating.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
