first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
