im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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