no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
