Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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