They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize