Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
