Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
