I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
pop tarts are not kleenex
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
