I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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