i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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