you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize