census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
