That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
