I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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