Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
