guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
