If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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