He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
