I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize