I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
