Church boner. Awkwardddd
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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