It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize