I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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