Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
