Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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