everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
