I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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