I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
