So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
