We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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