Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
